Okay, all you mothers out there who have kids that other kids just love to play with, listen up please. Kennedy has made friends on the bus with older kids.boys and girls.that live in our neighborhood. Lately, a few of them have been asking Kennedy to come to their house to play or they come knocking on our door to play. Now for me, I don't really let Kennedy play after school, reason one being she doesn't get home until 4 p.m., reason two we tackle homework immediately after school, to ensure that it gets done....then she winds down and watches a couple of cartoons and by that time Rob is home and we are eating dinner. (with her watching about an hours worth of cartoons, there obviously is time for her to play, rather than watch)
So here is my dilemma...she really wants to play with these kids however, because I don't know them (or their family for that matter) I would never allow her to go to their house and play (which she understands and does not argue with)...SO is it okay to let them come here if I don't allow her to go there? My worry is that if they come here, they'll start wondering why I won't let Kennedy go to their house. Will they think, “My parents don't know you, but I'm allowed to come here...so why are you different from my mom or dad”, (or am I giving a child's brain too much credit, I have no idea) How do I explain my reasons to them without possibly hurting their feelings?
I don't know if I am even making sense, but if I am and you have some advice...please load me with it.
Along with this I just want to “outloud” express my gratitude that I am able to stay at home and not have to work outside the home. These kids I am talking about seem like they are good kids, but they go home to empty houses and they are probably craving to have someone there or to be somewhere that an adult is present (at least at this young age).
11 comments:
What a tough time Lindsey! We had this problem in Texas. My advice (take it or leave it) would be to just have them stay at your house (especially if there is no adult at the other kids home) OR you could walk down with Kennedy and introduce yourself to the parents (saying I've noticed our kids want to play together just thought I would let you know who I am......) Then maybe once you get a feel for the other families you can go from there.
Good luck.
I wouldn't feel bad at all that they can just play at your house. Especially where you don't the families. I think the kids won't notice either because most kids want to play at other people's houses. (new toys, etc.) I am just like you in this regard. In fact I just had a parent ask me why I never let Sav go there. I just kindly said "please don't take offense. I am a paranoid freak and she isn't allowed to go hardly anywhere!"
I have learned as a parent that other people's feeling go out the window when it comes to my children, protecting them, and their safety. I am responsible for them, so I have to do what I feel is best for them, whether people agree or not!! So don't feel bad. Their safety is number one and you would never forgive yourself if something did happen!
Anyways that is my take. As you can see I am paranoid and also adamant about my opinion! ha!
Wow ... that IS a dilemma ... and I have to admit I read both of the comments that were already listed on this post, and liked both of the advice given there (i guess gearing up for when this becomes "MY" problem, as it most certainly will someday). I would probably do exactly what you're doing though, let the other kids play at your house ... while not letting Kennedy play at other friends' houses until you really get to know their families well and feel comfortable with it. There's nothing wrong with that. I think you're an absolutely wonderful mother ... and love your kids to pieces, and naturally want to protect them from the unknown. You're doing a great job Lindsey ... =)
I really wouldn't worry about the other kids getting their feelings hurt. I do the same thing, if I don't know the family I won't let my kids go over to their house, especially if there are no adults there.
I dont have kids but maybe walk Kennedy over to the kids houses and introduce yourself to some of their parents. You might be pleasantly surprised and it is a great way to make new friends! If you dont do that I think it is ok to let them play at your house if you dont feel comfortable with letting her go over there.
I think all of the comments made are great! I have thought about this with Jordi too, it is just so different now than when we were little! I wouldn't worry about the other kids getting their feelings hurt, I would just worry about your concerns about Kennedy! I don't think there is anything wrong with having the kids play at your house! You will probably find out lots of information about their families that way too!
I just wanted to say, thus far, these comments have been awesome, they have helped open my mind a little and I just wanted to say 'thank you!'
I have this same type of problem with Caleb. He carpools home with the neighbors and wants to play everyday. I finally told him he could only play 2 days a week. Is that mean? I wouldn't worry about the kids always coming to your house either. I wouldn't want them going to their friends with no adults home. Also if they are playing at your house most you will most likely get to meet the parents and then can judge whether you want Kennedy playing over there or not.
We don't really have that problem, because we avoid our neighbors. J.K., but we really don't have that problem...it is actually pretty sad. I wouldn't feel bad saying that they have to play at your house. Just tell them that it is your family rule, and then I would visit the other families on the weekend (just like Kim up there said.) I would also have a set time that the kids had to leave your home, sometime before Rob gets home. This could also be a motivator to get homework done sooner. Good luck.
This is the first summer I've had to deal with the "friend" thing too. I can't keep my kids inside!! They LOVE being outside, which I think is great. I have the same issues as you though. Luckily 2 of the 3 neighbors that have kids Josh & Ryan's age are members so I know them from church. But we have the "rule" you are NOT allowed in ANYONE'S house if WE don't know the parents names and phone numbers and haven't actually met them. Even if we know them, they still have to check with us and the other parents first before going in someone's house. Josh is really good about that and Ryan does whatever Josh does so it works for us. I feel the same way about "they can all come to our house" (as long as they play in the backyard).
Josh is only in K so he has more time and no homework, but we do have the other rule of no friends over or going to friend's houses on Sunday and also any day from 5p-7p for dinner purposes. Otherwise they can play from 7-8pm and then they have to come in for school or just because "their parents want to see their kids too" type of thing.
It's tough though. It is definitely a learning thing for us too. My biggest worry is actually the kids getting hit by a car or someone taking them, especially Ryan since he's only 3. I'm never fully calm when the kids are outside playing, that's why I like them to be in our backyard. But everyone has fenced in backyards and we have a deadend in front of our house so that makes me feel a LITTLE bit better.
I'm glad you posted this. I've enjoyed reading everyone's ideas and thoughts on it!!
Ok funny that you asked this. I need to get on my blog and ask what you do when your 7 year old daughters friends are calling to talk to her all hours of the day and I don't let her talk. I am not going to have my 7yr old chat on the phone this early.
About your situation have them come over on fridays. That is when we have friend time because it is early out and there is time.
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